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Of all the MTV shows that boasted boozy beach houses, none struck a chord more vividly than the hookup-minded hellions of Jersey Shore. Uncorked in 2009 and running for six seasons, the reality TV series chronicled the toxic exploits of the likes of Snooki, JWoww and the biggest trouble-maker of them all, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.
Sorrentino's handle suited him to a tee, symptomatic of the trainwreck lifestyle he led on the show and for years after. So extreme were his exploits, he caught the attention of the IRS, which after nailing him for tax evasion involving a questionable inventory of $8.9 million, threw him in jail for eight months in 2018.
Some of those items appear on this list, which meant having to sort through the ambiguities of expenses he declared. Because of that, some actual costs couldn't be determined, although that made playing the speculation game that much more fun.
Those Crazy Bar Tabs
It doesn't take a seasoned gumshoe to conclude that the Jersey Shore trainwreck troupe were massive partiers. And of all the bars on the Garden State shoreline at their mercy, the celebs usually frequented high-end single spots like Aztec, The Bamboo Bar, Beachcomber Bar and Club Karma.
When they first hit the circuit, the reality stars did Jersey Shore for free, although by the sixth season, each of them was earning $150,000 an episode. That probably left MTV off the hook in paying for their bar tabs, which were immense, Sorrentino's among them.
Unexplained GTL Expenses
As the IRS pored over Sorrentino's tax write-offs, they red-flagged his grooming expenses, although the returns didn't specify anything more about them. We do know Sitch spent a lot on making himself look good, especially for club and liquor store appearances for which he charged plenty, with cash-only revenue delivered under the table.
Another clue too big to ignore is GTL, an acronym frequently bandied about among Jersey Shore stars. In short, it stood for Gym, Tanning, Laundry: three ingredients they thought would keep them marketable in the hookup department. And it's probable that The Situation used mountains of gym memberships, tanning salons and dry cleaning receipts to dodge a taxation bullet.
High-end clothing? Seriously?
Another item the IRS circled in red were expenses for high-end clothing. High-end? Fashionistas frequently ridiculed Sitch for his attire, including some gawdy threads from his own clothing line.
Sorrentino's choice in clothing was synonymous with items issued by the likes of Ed Hardy and No Affliction, which markets trashy tops going for as much as $200 an item. His reputation for expensive, tacky dress was so notorious, some clubs banned clothing remotely resembling anything he wore. Additionally, Abercrombie & Fitch even pitched Sitch with a monetary offer to avoid donning any of their inventory.
A full-throttle Ferrari
The situation also wanted to write off his collection of luxury cars, including his Ferrarri California, with a sticker price estimated at $200,000. Not exactly fuel-efficient, this speedy convertible zips through fuel at a staggering 18 miles per gallon, thanks to a 552 horsepower engine.
Opting for a black-on-black model Ferrari, Sitch even had his prized set of wheels customized by adding 21-inch black and chrome wheel hubs, which he later tried to auction off on eBay when he was short on cash.
His Lambo got the GTL treatment
Sorrentino managed to satisfy an even greater need for speed by purchasing an older-model Lamborghini Gallardo that was customized at Unique Autosports. To show the world that the Lambo was his prized acquisition, Sitch even added customized GTL license plates to the speedy vehicle.
This model, sporting a V-10 engine and a fuel mileage rate of 15 miles per gallon, was discontinued in 2014. Asking price for this monster could go for as low as $76,000.
Bent on Bentley
Speed is one thing, but style is a different mindset entirely and nothing speaks reality TV class like driving a Bentley Continental. Purchased around the time he was expecting a heavy paycheck for his turn on Dancing With the Stars, the Sitch dropped $100,000 on a 2008 Bentley with plans to add a decibel-crunching sound system and custom rims.
Mind you, this was back in 2011, when his combined revenue from the dance show and his main Jersey Shore gig was on the verge of hitting the $5 million mark. How times change.
Do what Diddy did & get a Jeep
Another vehicle acquisition made by Sorrentino in 2011 was the latest rollout of the Jeep Wrangler Sahara. Retailing at $75,000 at the time, he felt it was such a thrifty addition to his collection he bought another one for his brother and business partner Marc. It turns out that the purchase was made via MPS Entertainment, the company shared between the siblings, and the same firm that bought all of Sitch's other luxury cars.
Word has it that after one of his idols P. Diddy bought a Jeep, Sorrentino decided to do the same thing, although he upgraded the vehicle with a heavy-duty audio system, luxurious leather seats and rims.
Ringing with opulence
Even with all of Sorrentino's legal troubles, his girlfriend Lauren Pesce still agreed to marry the future jailbird when he popped the question in the spring of 2018. Maybe the idea of eternal romance with a troubled celebrity carried enough celebrity cache to go along with the nuptials.
Or maybe it was that rock he flashed that hypnotized her. He presented Pesce a real shining beauty: a three-carat diamond mounted atop a diamond halo mounted on a gold band sporting an extensive array of smaller carbon shiners. A similar-looking, silver Tiffany ring albeit with a one-karat diamond boasts a sticker price of nearly $8,000, but the actual cost of the Sorrentino gift was likely a lot more.
Situation's Hitching Costs
For those who only read the tabloids, only two weddings in 2018 were significant. The first one was when Prince Harry and Meaghan Markle got hitched. The other involved Sorrentino and beau Lauren Pesce tying the knot just before the reality TV star was to be clapped in irons.
All told, the Jersey Shore wedding was posh to the hilt, taking place in November at the glamorous Legacy Castle in New Jersey in front of some 200 guests. With experts calculating costs as high as $100,000, the event certainly smacked of celebrity royalty. It also doubled as an exquisite way for Sorrentino to live it up before getting thrown into the hoosegow.
Welcome To Sitch Manor
Even after getting out of jail in September, Sorrentino is still hot gossip property, considering how media wags went ga-ga over his most expensive purchase to date: a $1.8 million mansion in New Jersey. Boasting seven bedrooms and 10 bathrooms, the four-story digs even has an elevator and lots of room dedicated to an office a library.
Before his jail sentence, Sorrentino was reportedly worth $10 million, but after the IRS cleaned him out, his estimated value plummeted to roughly $300,000. So, just how is Sitch going to pay for his digs? Maybe the MTV brain trust could help him out with another show. Just in case, here are a few title suggestions: Jersey Shmoe, Life's A Sitch, Broken Bad...
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